Dear How to Do It, six months ago, my wife excitedly shared that she received a promotion at work. Our family has been enjoying the newfound financial stability, and I believed everything was going smoothly. However, I recently discovered that her income boost comes from a surprising source—she’s been creating customized porn videos on an OnlyFans account. This revelation has left me feeling betrayed, as I perceive it akin to cheating. My wife insists that it’s merely a job and accuses me of being possessive. Is it unreasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about strangers viewing my wife, the mother of my children, in such a manner? —OnlyFans Outrage
While your feelings stem from not wanting strangers to find pleasure in your wife, the situation is more complex. There are significant issues at play, such as the fact that she misled you about her income source. Trust is a fundamental pillar in any relationship, and her decision to hide this aspect of her life raises concerns.
Your wife may have had her reasons for concealing the truth about her new "promotion," but this deception complicates matters further. Engaging in something as public as an OnlyFans account while lying about it is a considerable misstep. It’s crucial to have a conversation with her about why she felt the need to keep this from you. The motivations behind her actions could lead to a deeper understanding of your relationship and her feelings toward your social and sexual dynamics.
In a monogamous relationship, it is common to expect that partners won’t engage in sex work without prior discussion. Your wife’s actions raise ethical questions; she did not communicate her decision to join OnlyFans, which could be perceived as a breach of trust. While she may argue that she wasn’t explicitly prohibited from doing so, it is a selective interpretation of boundaries in your relationship.
In many relationships, unspoken agreements exist for the sake of efficiency. Just as you wouldn’t have to explain why drug trafficking is off-limits, it’s reasonable to expect that both partners will communicate openly about any new career paths that could impact the relationship. Your discomfort at the thought of strangers consuming content featuring your wife is entirely valid. However, it’s also essential to recognize her autonomy over her body and choices.
While it’s your wife’s right to make decisions about her body, you also have the right to determine what kind of partner you wish to have. In today’s economy, adapting to her new career may be necessary, but this should involve establishing clear guidelines that help both of you feel comfortable moving forward. This line of work can lead to challenges such as social ostracization and a sense of ownership from viewers, which adds to your justified apprehension.
Ultimately, it is unreasonable for your wife to engage in this line of work without an open dialogue with you. It is crucial to discuss the implications of her choices and to establish what your boundaries will be if she chooses to continue her OnlyFans account. Finding a way to navigate this situation together will require honesty, patience, and a willingness to listen to one another’s concerns.
In a separate matter, I recently underwent an IVF cycle following an infertility diagnosis. The experience was physically and emotionally taxing, involving daily injections, early morning appointments, and significant discomfort post-surgery. Given these challenges, I have been unable to engage in sexual activity for over a month. During this difficult time, my husband has been watching porn for two to three hours each night, which has left me feeling hurt and devalued. It feels as if he is purposely reminding me of my struggles. How should I approach this?
