No one ever anticipates a chronic change in their health. So, when my urologist informed me in 2019 that my PSA test indicated the most aggressive form of prostate cancer, I was caught off guard. At 68, my annual tests had consistently returned normal results. This unsettling revelation marked the beginning of my prostate cancer journey, which included androgen deprivation therapy, external beam radiation, and the implantation of 97 radioactive seeds into my prostate.
For many individuals, including myself, these prostate cancer therapies can lead to a host of side effects such as hot flashes, loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, fatigue, and decreased muscle mass. Despite these challenges, my radiologist assured me that this multilayered approach provided the best chance of overcoming the cancer. However, what we never delved into was the “what comes after.” In numerous ways, the aftermath has proven to be more intricate and disheartening than the treatments themselves.
I had anticipated that becoming cancer-free would equate to reclaiming my old life. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. I found myself feeling pudgy, weak, and unsteady. To regain my strength, I began working with a personal trainer at a gym in Rockville, Maryland. My training regimen involved two 90-minute sessions a week focused on using free weights and machines. My objective was not to bulk up but simply to perform daily tasks like climbing stairs or lifting my luggage into the overhead bin of a flight without becoming winded.
In addition to weight training, I also practice tai chi to enhance my balance, flexibility, and stamina. I’ve made considerable progress; for instance, after a recent vacation to Sienna, Italy, I sent my trainer a video of myself carrying two suitcases up a flight of stairs, resembling the “suitcase squats” he has me do with two 30-pound weights. Jogging across the street to beat a don’t-walk light no longer leaves me gasping for air. However, I still find myself needing a nap due to fatigue. Mowing the lawn often feels as strenuous as running a marathon, and I frequently experience brain fog, complicating simple tasks like paying bills or completing work reports.
As I navigate this journey, I also contend with sexual dysfunction, joint pain, and emotional instability—side effects that emerged post-treatment. These issues serve as constant reminders that cancer care can alter your life in ways you never anticipated. The emotional and mental recovery aspects remain particularly challenging, often even more than the physical recovery. It is well-documented that androgen deprivation therapy can significantly affect a patient’s emotions. In my case, I became what my wife described as “weepy.” Even after treatment concluded, I found myself perpetually on edge, struggling to manage my responses to stress and minor setbacks.
Similar to many who have undergone prostate cancer treatment, I am in a constant state of self-evaluation regarding my diet, activities, and thoughts, all in pursuit of better health. As I approach my 74th birthday in November, the shadow of mortality looms over me, a reality that inevitably accompanies a cancer diagnosis. To monitor my progress and prostate health, I undergo PSA tests every six months. While my PSA score remains near zero, indicating no recurrence, each positive test result brings a wave of anxiety as I await the next evaluation.
The perpetual threat of recurrence feels akin to the proverbial sword of Damocles—ever-present and looming. Should my cancer return, the now-inactive metal seeds dispersed throughout my prostate and the scar tissue from radiation will complicate any future treatment options. For me, cancer has transformed into a lifelong companion. Instead of the resolution I had anticipated, I find myself among a growing community of individuals—those treated for prostate, breast, lung, colon, and other cancers—navigating the continuous road of recovery. I have come to understand that there may be bumps in this journey that necessitate adaptation, resilience, and a healthy dose of optimism.
