In the latest installment of Slate’s sex advice column, Stoya and Rich tackle a unique dilemma involving a roommate's philandering ways. The letter from a concerned individual reveals frustration over their roommate's habit of bringing home a different woman almost every night. This situation raises questions about privacy, ethics, and personal boundaries in shared living spaces.
The author of the letter, who signs off as "One for Every Hour of the Day," grapples with whether they should intervene in their roommate's affairs. After an awkward incident where they mistakenly called one of the women by another's name, the writer contemplates the possibility of exposing their roommate's behavior. However, Stoya and Rich advise against this course of action, emphasizing that it is largely none of your business.
According to the advice column, unless the situation poses a threat to your safety or significantly disrupts your living environment, it is more ethical to discuss your concerns directly with your roommate rather than approaching the women involved. The reasoning is straightforward: you lack insight into the nature of their relationships and what each woman knows about the others. If your roommate is engaged in what could be considered casual non-monogamy, intervening could lead to unnecessary drama.
Stoya and Rich caution that going directly to the women could be perceived as petty or vindictive, especially if there are underlying tensions between you and your roommate. Exposing your roommate’s promiscuity could lead to a hostile living situation, making your day-to-day life uncomfortable. Instead, the column suggests addressing your feelings directly with your roommate, focusing on how his behavior impacts your quality of life.
When approaching your roommate, it’s crucial to articulate your concerns clearly. Stoya and Rich recommend presenting a solid justification for your feelings rather than simply labeling his actions as distasteful. If you believe his behavior is crossing ethical boundaries, explain why it matters to you personally. This approach not only fosters open communication but also increases the likelihood of influencing your roommate’s behavior.
The column also addresses a different type of concern, this time from a 40-year-old gay man who is experiencing changes in his sexual health. He reports that while he still enjoys intense orgasms during penetration, he notices a significant decrease in ejaculation. Although this change does not bother him, it raises concerns for his younger fiancé, who is unsettled by the lack of visible evidence of pleasure.
Stoya and Rich suggest that this may be a natural part of aging and the hormonal shifts that accompany it. The man’s experience is not uncommon, and it's essential to understand that sexual health can evolve over time. While the change in ejaculation might be concerning for his partner, the couple should communicate openly about their feelings and expectations surrounding their sexual experiences.
Ultimately, the advice given encourages couples to prioritize communication. Discussing these changes can foster intimacy and understanding, allowing both partners to navigate their sexual relationship more effectively. The column emphasizes that while changes in sexual response can be normal, addressing any concerns together can enhance the couple's bond and ensure that both partners feel fulfilled.
Whether dealing with a roommate’s questionable behavior or navigating personal changes in sexual health, communication is key. By fostering open dialogues, individuals can address their concerns while maintaining respect for personal boundaries. The insights from Slate’s sex advice column serve as a reminder of the complexities of relationships and the importance of clear, honest communication.
